Self Esteem - Personal Growth Roll

self esteem rose

Healthy self esteem develops naturally with the practice of accurate self appraisal. How you arrive at the appraisal of yourself, determines whether or not you are really assessing healthy self esteem, or self delusion.

Our feelings about ourselves can fluctuate daily, based on our experiences. The key to remember is -- make room for our limitations -- without condemning ourselves for having limitations. Healthy self-esteem requires an ability to accept and honor ourselves, regardless of the quality of feedback, internal or external.

The trick is to balance how we evaluate our limitations. Acknowledging our limitations with a neutral tone rather than a harsh critical tone, is just one example. These issues are something that every human being can use as a personal growth nutrient. In fact, the limitations that are present in our lives are messengers guiding us to heal and improve.

Low Self Esteem - Common Problems Generated

  • Relationship Problems
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Anti Social Behavior
  • Employment Issues
  • Sexual Difficulties
  • Communication Challenges
  • Boundary Issues
  • Destructive Behaviors

Where Does Self Esteem Originate?


self esteem success

Much of what comprises self esteem can be distilled down to messages we give to ourselves. These messages originate in our past. If we were ridiculed, teased, emotionally or physically abused, criticized, and failed in school this would lead to a feeling of being defective, creating low self-esteem.

If we were fortunate enough and our parents and teachers listened to us, gave appropriate physical attention, praised our accomplishments, and treated us with respect, we would have developed healthy self-esteem.

These past circumstances and conditioning reinforced either a positive inner voice or a critical demeaning voice. These messages are too often playing in the background without us even being conscious that they are affecting our lives in profoundly dramatic ways.


Low Self Esteem - How Do We Compensate?


Below are several common examples we use to compensate for the lack of healthy self esteem.

    1 - Doing the perceived right thing and avoid making mistakes, being perfect. Keeps you away from your own desires and needs.

    2 - Giving to others what you perceive they need or want. Creates a sense of never being loved for yourself, because you never give to yourself.

    3 - Creating an image of success that "looks" like you are happy and deserving. This creates a continuous need to compete, masking the fear that is underneath, which leads to burn out.

    4 - Feeling like you aren't good enough, always looking at what you don't have, and rarely recognizing what you have in the present moment.

    5 - Living from your head and limiting your needs and desires, which leads to isolation and defensive and unfeeling.

    6 - Letting procrastination and fear of exposure create a barrier to success, which robs your faith, leaving you feeling incompetent and undeserving.

    7 - Avoiding any pain or discomfort by planning the next adventure and not taking responsibility for actions. Never experiencing the depth of yourself.

    8 - Living with constant anger, rebelling against others and covering vulnerability to mask the hurt or weakness underneath.

    9 - Acting helpless and unable to cope with the world by under-achieving and relying on others excessively.

Our job is to be our own advocate, of nurturing energy, and surrounding ourselves with people who "share and demonstrate nurturing values and communication.

Uncovering damaging beliefs, can be uncomfortable and painful, but allowing these beliefs to control our entire lives is tragic and unnecessary. If you're struggling with similar issues like these, seek the guidance of a skilled counselor.

Healthy Self Esteem Practices

  • Participating in your life - what really brings you joy?
  • Taking good care of yourself - balanced cycles of eating, sleeping and activity
  • Changing attitudes from negative to positive - be aware of that self talk
  • Taking inventory - What you have accomplished? What do you value?
  • Giving to another without expecting anything in return - goodness of heart
  • Keeping the company of healthy self esteem people
  • Being your own best friend - do something nice for yourself
  • Practicing ways of relating that reflect how you would like to be treated
  • Developing yourself - Improve communication skills, your profession, and interests
  • Making your own choices - don't rely on people to tell you what to choose
  • Being true to yourself
  • Taking responsibility for your experience
  • Improving upon what don't value about yourself
  • Keeping your sense of humor and lightness circulating daily